Well I was made to write my thoughts on focusing outward today....I am sure this is NOT the right answer, only the truthful one. Thoughts?
Turning inward is something I often do when life becomes too much and I need to self-soothe, cocooning. I have been alone for such a long time. Living for yourself sounds great on paper, but in practice is unfulfilling. I have been a hedonistic slut running amok for a while now. I am out of control and crave to be reined in. Don't get me wrong, it has been a fun time and I have met amazing people and have had wonderful experiences but in the end it is shallow. The fact that I am focused internally rather than externally has been a coping mechanism. I plan. I party. I go out because I just don't want to be alone, and don't have to be.
Learning to focus externally is proving to be a challenge. I am not one that will suffer and wear that as a badge of submissive courage as so many others will. I am not submissive to become more isolated and lonely. I do not Dom myself and submission in a vacuum is not submission to me, just stupidity. As the relationship with Daddy progresses, I am given more tasks to focus on. We see each other more frequently. I am offered many opportunities to focus outward, and think about him. I am sure as we continue down this path, more of my actions will be tailored to his needs providing more opportunity to serve. Eventually it will be woven into everything I do and everything I think. He has told me more than once to focus on the process.
Patience is something Daddy told me I lack. I know I race for the finish line.....it is the same compulsion which made my copy of Judy Blume's 'Forever' flop open to all of the dirty parts as a pubescent girl. Aren't a lot of us sluts adrenaline junkies? Daddy wants to both put his hands in the flame and beat it down. There is a happy medium there somewhere, smolder perhaps. Patience is a two-way street (preparing for a face slap for that cheeky remark!)
My ability to be altruistic is unparalleled although it is unlikely I will find nirvana balling a pair of socks (isn't that why God made domestics?) My hope is Daddy gives me the time and the environment to cultivate this part of me. As Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives that which he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." I am willing to give everything on faith.
Turning inward is something I often do when life becomes too much and I need to self-soothe, cocooning. I have been alone for such a long time. Living for yourself sounds great on paper, but in practice is unfulfilling. I have been a hedonistic slut running amok for a while now. I am out of control and crave to be reined in. Don't get me wrong, it has been a fun time and I have met amazing people and have had wonderful experiences but in the end it is shallow. The fact that I am focused internally rather than externally has been a coping mechanism. I plan. I party. I go out because I just don't want to be alone, and don't have to be.
Learning to focus externally is proving to be a challenge. I am not one that will suffer and wear that as a badge of submissive courage as so many others will. I am not submissive to become more isolated and lonely. I do not Dom myself and submission in a vacuum is not submission to me, just stupidity. As the relationship with Daddy progresses, I am given more tasks to focus on. We see each other more frequently. I am offered many opportunities to focus outward, and think about him. I am sure as we continue down this path, more of my actions will be tailored to his needs providing more opportunity to serve. Eventually it will be woven into everything I do and everything I think. He has told me more than once to focus on the process.
Patience is something Daddy told me I lack. I know I race for the finish line.....it is the same compulsion which made my copy of Judy Blume's 'Forever' flop open to all of the dirty parts as a pubescent girl. Aren't a lot of us sluts adrenaline junkies? Daddy wants to both put his hands in the flame and beat it down. There is a happy medium there somewhere, smolder perhaps. Patience is a two-way street (preparing for a face slap for that cheeky remark!)
My ability to be altruistic is unparalleled although it is unlikely I will find nirvana balling a pair of socks (isn't that why God made domestics?) My hope is Daddy gives me the time and the environment to cultivate this part of me. As Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives that which he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." I am willing to give everything on faith.
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