Today I feel as if I had a break-thru of sorts. I have mentioned that this is my first experience in a polyamorous relationship and I had huge misgivings coming into this situation. Why on earth should I ever need to share the emotional intimacy with a man I love? I am beautiful, kinky, accomplished and a hell of a lot of fun to be with. I have men throwing themselves at me all day long. Why should I ever agree to settle for a fraction of the emotional relationship I am due? I stuck with this because I love Daddy. I tolerated it for that reason alone.
A month ago he sent me pictures of one of the other women. It cut deeply; I shook and wanted to barf. I wanted to lash out and say how ugly she was and no wonder she was willing to settle for less. This was my insecurity talking. I was not on solid footing with Daddy and I couldn't handle it. He wanted us to meet, it didn't happen because I had a massive melt-down. I wasn't ready....really. I wasn't ready.
Over the last month we have solidified our relationship. I feel secure in what we have and know he loves me. He is making an effort to spend time with me and mold me. My fears of being a number and being played are melting away. He has plans for the future which include me. He will figure it out, he loves me too and wants to be with me. I would not stick around if I felt it were otherwise. I need the day to day interaction and it is soothing to know he would like it too.
Today I asked about the others. Saw pictures, got names. Learned a bit about their personalities. I didn't barf. I didn't shake. Honestly, I really didn't care a bit. It is what it is and he loves me.
So I took another baby step today. I feel there has been progress but it isn't up to me to decide. I am just happy I no longer want to cut those bitches!
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