stamp it out

My friend Oz (reader of the blog as well) said something that made my day today. He is concerned about me and my well-being, warned me not to get in this situation to begin with. He commented that it is too late to get out of the tunnel but "hug the wall if you see the light and hear the horn." I may be injured by the train wreck, but hopefully not killed by it.

I want to be ok with what is going on. I found a polyamory support group that has a meeting this Saturday. Daddy said he would go with if I liked and bring The Others. It is sweet he offered that but how the fuck am I going to bitch about them if they are there? (jk Daddy!) This is my problem NOT theirs. They already have everything I would like to have so why would they need this sort of thing? I would like to know how other women deal with the sense of inequality, jealousy, limited time and attention they get in this type of relationship. I for one, am not dealing well. Daddy tries to ensure me that these things are not true however that is my perception. As we say in the Fortune 100 world, perception is reality. I would like to perceive an alternate reality than what I do today. Maybe someone who has been through this can help me do so.

I recognize I am allowed a lot of freedom and flexibility by Daddy. I am on a long leash and he has bent over backward to acknowledge my personality and ensure I thrive. I can date, I can fuck, within certain guidelines of course. I would wither and die were I expected so sit around waiting with my thumb up my ass. Perhaps that is me being melodramatic, I would just cut bait and say peace the fuck out. Or I would be so insane he would tell me to get the fuck out. Tomato tomato.

It is apparent that Daddy listened to me Saturday night. As we discussed these things yesterday I saw he made an effort to not give me the trite, "if I wanna put you in a box for six months" reply. Clearly, I am trying to get on board and address my insecurities and fears.