Very excited today as I finally got the thumbs up to begin corset training. This is the corset I bought to begin. Simply gorgeous! Just another step down the ruinous path for me and I couldn't be happier!
After our horrible weekend I have been struggling with having an authentic relationship with Daddy. Polyamory really plays some fucked up games on your brain. I realized Saturday night that although he may miss parts of me, he can just slap a cig and some latex on some other bitch and pretty much be okay. Me, I am fucked. I have invested a lot in this relationship and would mostly be lost. I don't have a soft place to land in the event this ever ended...he has several places. All with boobs.
The connection we have is real. It is. I have no question of that. He has real and unique connections with The Others. We are the same in our "unique" relationships with him. I tried to have lunch with The One I Don't Like this week, got pushed to next week. I want to see what he sees in her. I still stand by my initial assessment that she was sending hostile vibes to be at brunch, she didn't like me. I am very sensitive to the feelings of those around me, I am usually right about these things. She agreed to lunch easily enough. I pray I can find some quality I find likable. If I'm in the polyamory shit, I may as well really dive in. I have not been exposed to what the fuck that means...maybe this is a step. This weekend Daddy told me that I had to WANT this type of relationship. Honestly, I don't know what the fuck it is. How can I WANT something I don't understand?
If we are to create something enduring he has to invite me more into his world, and I have to embrace it. I am the odd man out. Doc reminded me today that I am the expendable one as I have the least time in and no financial or professional entanglements with him as The Others. Thanks Doc! My goal has always been to create something genuinely unique and long-lasting. I think we have to components here and neither one of us is yet willing to let go. Today Daddy told me I fit him. It really isn't him I am worried about, it is fitting in and being incorporated with the rest.
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