moving on...

Randomness. As Daddy and I talk about me moving to his neighborhood I am getting nostalgic about where I live. I have been here for seven years. My apartment is a piece of shit but it is like being home in a big city, I can walk everywhere. Just got back from the market where Carmen checked me out. "Hey Marsha!! How are you doing girl?" My retarded bagger Ron, "Marsha, have time for a joke?" I always have time for Ron's jokes, I find his spirit and joi de vivre inspiring. They are clean, complicated and funny as hell. The flower department lady Jeanine sold me gorgeous roses last weekend, Daddy even commented on them. I will be so sad to leave here.

Got a pass on the essay. Chatted with Daddy today and told him how happy I am that he is involved in my finding a girlfriend, first plus for polyamory! Tah dah! End of essay. *jazz hands!* I told him my experience so far has been negative and I don't have enough exposure to the situation to properly access it. He will let me do the essay when I have something to say. I really love he has not one jealous bone in his body. That came up in the support group that other people perceive lack of jealousy as lack of involvement or concern. Not me, I am grateful for that. I am stupidly unaware of any attention I get and past Doms/boyfriends have had issue with that. When Daddy accuses me of being jealous of The Other I Don't Like and the male attention she draws and am competitive, I have to laugh. I am so stupid the attention I get is so far off radar, I don't even get when I am on a date and dating a dude for months. I actually found myself dating an ex boss for a couple of months and had NO idea. I am blissfully unaware and it is of no import to me.

I sent The Other I Don't Like and email last night. I am trying to be nice and extend a hand. I may not want to fuck her (by the way, well played bitch. I get what is going on.) but I know I need to get along. Hopefully I will bring some fresh, fun, cool meat into play and Daddy will give me a pass on fucking her. I don't want to be mean and I know I would wear my disdain on my sleeve. Ultimately he is very kind and responsible, I know he wouldn't want to open her up to being hurt. I am an open book and know I would do so. It really would be unintentional, I am a really nice person at heart.

Someone else was questioning me at the group session Saturday. He queried if I were looking to become primary and displace the current stuff going on for Daddy. Honestly, it never occurred to me. That has never been my goal. Our relationship has been OUR relationship. I don't need to be queen bee and am not looking to change him or tip his apple cart at all. Again, I have A TON of freedom and flexibility with him which I do not take for granted. I just want a future and possibilities. Something I have a hard time seeing sometimes because of his pre-existing relationships. Minus for polyamory. His bed is already full.