fuck my brain

I realize what a lucky bitch I am. My Ambian rant was recognized for what it was. At the core, I just want to be with him. It is a desperate longing. He will not let me go as hard as I try to push him away. We are both sick. I am on the other side of my pneumonia and realize how much I actually enjoy breathing. He does not want to expose me to whatever funk he has due to my compromised immune system.

So we chat. We cannot physically be with one another but we can be in the same place mentally. Like a really kinky Abelard and Heloise. Today Daddy opened up to me and shared his D/s journey. As we talked I thought about standing at Abelard and Heloise's grave. A forbidden love finally united forever in death. I remember the last time I was in Paris, I actually cried at their grave. The suffering and beauty of their love story is crippling.

I am standing at the precipice of my love story. He wraps his words around me. He envelopes me with his history. I am a "permanent fixture" in his life now. This is not what I ever envisioned for myself but I feel loved and valued. I trust him and he trusts me.

Today he showed me his past and all I can focus on is our future. I have Ella Fitz in my head now, "as Abelard said to Heloise...don't forget to drop a line to me please." Being able to write and express oneself is underrated. Not only do I love his body, I love his mind.