Incestual Pudding

It is the height of laziness when we were too tired to get going with the new corset last night. Daddy and I were naked and watching movies in bed when we both decided to leave it until later in the week. My churning belly full of Indian food also helped make that decision more palatable. I put the corset on for 15 minutes this week and was nauseated. This is going to be harder than I thought.

Daddy came up early yesterday and we went to another polyamory support group. Unfortunately, in the second half he leaned over and asked if I was going to say something and I did. For the rest of the hour we became the floor show. I didn't care for that at all, nor did he. By the time we left, I was exhausted from barfing up my feelings. I have asked him to set up a night bowling or something with The Others so I can become a part of that dynamic. I have lunch with The One I Don't Like this coming Thursday. I initiated that as well. I am making an effort.

I got some good advice from a wonderful woman in the group. She is in a triad and has a lot of problems with the third in her relationship. She said she understands how hard it is to take in someones resentment, anger, hostility. She suggested I try to stay above the fray and try to understand where this is coming from and approach it with openness rather than defensiveness. My fear is I do tend to respond to the negative energy someone else projects. I don't care what Daddy says, I felt it, it was real and I trust my intuition. A good friend of mine V said to me last week, "they say submissives have thin skins. I maintain that a good submissive has NO skin and everything is a raw nerve." I have to agree with that. I think I am so good with people personally and professionally due to the fact I have this intuition. The flip-side is that the unsaid becomes manifest and you cannot always articulate why you have a good/viscerial response to a situation or a person. It just is, and I take all that emotion and internalize it. My friend V also said that a good Dom takes care of his slave/sub "emotionally, physically as well as intuitively. To dismiss this sensitivity is to ignore a large part of what makes a slave function." I think I love her, wish she wasn't half way around the world.

We shall see if I can function as part of this unit. I don't do "chick" as a threshold matter so women can be exacerbating to me. Doc will be staying the night tomorrow. I am really looking forward to some serious cuddle time. We have some mad Flowers in the Attic vibe between us (for those of you that remember that pubescent jerk off book series.) Brother and sister in an abusive relationship that find comfort in their incestuous (and graphic) love affair. Doc and I will hold each other and talk for hours. I don't need to fuck him. In my sex as food game, I characterize him as "my pudding." Soft, comforting and enveloping. He is also struggling with having a poly relationship so I know we will have a lot to discuss.